


Conversations of the Lazy Kind

by Fictropes



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Attempt at humour, Established Relationship, M/M, text based fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:48:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27512587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fictropes/pseuds/Fictropes
Summary: eggs?wot?Smells like eggs
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 35
Kudos: 86





	Conversations of the Lazy Kind

**Author's Note:**

> i luv... text based fics. i said i will make one if i must
> 
> Dan is bold, Phil is italic. BIGGGG thankyou to Keelin @ahappyphil for beta reading ty ly bb. <3

_eggs?_

**wot?**

_Smells like eggs_

**ok and i just walked past the bathroom you’re in and it smells like toxic waste. making u eggs would essentially be asking for suffocation**

_shutup, rat. Eggs or not?_

**not**

_so you’re just letting me Starve???_

**ok sorry but when did u become incapable of making your own fucking breakfast?**

_since The great accident…_

**the great accident of me being an idiot and doing whatever u ask since 09?**

_Exactly! :) good Dan_

_You’re making something.. aren’t you?_

**Fuck off, finish up ur super turd and come help me with this bastard waffle machine**

-

**coffee? Please please please, i am on my knees here**

_what’s the magic word_

**i just said PLEASE three times**

_that’s not v Magical_

**ok coffee abracadabra**

_Magical, yes. but obvious_

**phil i am on my knees, i’ll literally suck u off for coffee**

_Ew. I don’t want your coffee breath on my penis_

**ffs i’ll let you have three out of the four cookies from dominoes later**

Daniel howell. you have yourself a sweet sweet deal

**hurry up i’m going to die from this**

o _h!Perfect <3 then i’d get four cookies_

-

**problem?**

_with?_

**Me. u keep looking at me, can see you**

_No problem_

**want me to create a problem?**

_nope :)_

**ugh you’re so annoying**

_And you’re so pretty_

_Ha! knew you’d blush, mr I actually have all the kinks and nothing will ever phase me_

**shut. if you want me just come over here, stupid**

_got no legs_

**I’ve got no body at all**

: _O then what .. oh my god. what did I engage in sexual intercourse with last night_

**the mattress**

_Very tight_

**it told me this morning that you were lacking in size but made up for it in determination**

_I’m going to come over there_

**and do wot m8?**

_show off my length_

-

_hi I need your help please and thanks and don’t laugh in advance cos i’m properly traumatised_

**with?**

_I’ve locked myself out on the balcony.Trying to convince Steve and his GF to move house with us._

_I can hear your stupid hyena laugh from the window_

**idk what you want me to do**

_let me in! I am in my pyjamas and it’s cold and the neighbours are going 2 see my erect nips in about five seconds_

**I repeat, idk what you want me to do. let down my hair? like rapunzel ?wanna do the Romeo and Juliet scene?**

_Let me in!!!!!!!!!! I am going to have to resort 2 eating bird seed, do u want that_

**ya, give me a second and i’ll film it**

-

_I want these people out of my house_

**you’re sooooo drunk**

_no u_

**maybe**

_also me?_

**ya**

_yaaaaaas_

**your face looks handsome rn**

_out of here. kick kick kick_

**do u wanna start making out and see if they leave**

_noooo_

_yes_

_I just love you and wanna go bed and kiss you and live here together but just us together and not them .get out_

**should we get a banner.**

_wot sort.._

**a no one is welcome here banner**

_ya but we have 2 take it down for when my mum visits. she will flick us both in the ears_

**kath is always welcome :(**

_shutup stupid fav son who didn’t even get born by her_

**hope not. wanna do things to u that would be bad if we were related**

r _ight that’s it. i’m kicking_

_-_

_Pspspspspspsps_

**still not a catboy**

_In my heart you are. Can you bring my charger upstairs?Please and thanks and blows you a kiss_

**you should’ve thought about your charger before u went upstairs**

_> :( bring_

**or what?**

_please?_

**Oh so now please is magic enough**

_You seemed to enjoy my magic last night_

**what u pulled out that hat was pretty amazing**

_so charger?_

**what do I get in return?**

_My love_

**i have had that for eleven years**

_my love but with added cat ears_

**i’m coming**

-

**Phil! you need to look outside right now oh my godddddd**

_is that. a dog in back garden?our garden. a dog_

**yes, we need 2 go down and like bother it**

_it has a collar :( no steals?_

**ugh no. we will call the owner after five minutes of making it be our friend**

_meet you in the hallway_

_-_

_ h_ _appy twelve years <3 _

** is this what happens? Twelve years and i get a text and not even like a wake up it’s been twelve years hand job  **

_ how do u propose i give you a hand job when you’re not even in the room _

** idk you have long arms, sure you could Inspector Gadget them down into the kitchen  **

_whatchu doing_

**setting up**

_4_

**gaming video**

_oh! we’re doing that today?_

**ya dab and evan need to be married, i woke up last night in a cold sweat thinking about it**

_can u come back to bed first so I give you the anniversary bumps_

**BIRTHDAY.**

_no this is new._

**no u just want an excuse to try and pick me up, know u haven’t forgiven me for pinof fireman lift**

i _t hurt! Still have a bruise_

**no. u have a photo of the bruise, not the same thing**

_It’s my anniversary. i’m right_

**just yours?**

_yeah the anniversary of i replied to that needy dude and his needier dms about needing me_

**ok then it’s my anniversary of u asked me to Skype and couldn’t stop staring at my collarbones like u wanted to cum in them**

_illegal_

_-_

_Should I change your name to Daniel Lester in my phone_

**knew u were going to start with that**

_just think it looks neat :)_

**we said double barrelled**

_Ya. in… the world, not in private. in private you’re a Lester_

**Author's Note:**

> [if u wanna reblog on tumblr! I always appreciate it :)](https://fictropes.tumblr.com/post/634521381016682496/conversations-of-the-lazy-kindcomplete-965)
> 
> as always lemme know your thoughtsssss<3 i appreciate all comments and think about how nice u all are to me at all times ;_;
> 
> also keelin had no idea what birthday bumps were.... if you're in the same boat then google it and imagine phil trying to singlehandedly do this to dan


End file.
